I’ve been wrestling with the question of speaking up for most of my life. Perhaps you have too.

As a leadership development professional, I’ve been helping people cultivate skills to speak up for more than a decade. Because the advice like “Just speak up”, “Be more assertive”, or “Say what you think” that most people dole out was wholly unsatisfying to me.

In fact, I’ve wanted to write about speaking up since 2015. But something else always took priority.

So I remember beating myself up when I came across Kathy Khang’s book Raise Your Voice: Why We Stay Silent and How to Speak Up.

Shoot! While I was busy trying to be a good team player, develop business, run a company, and raise a young child, someone else had written the book I was supposed to write.

F*ck.

I had been scooped.

Or so I thought.

As I read Kathy’s book, I realized it was not at all the book I wanted to write. It was some of what I thought we needed to crack the code of using our voices, but not all of it. I made a list of what I thought was missing – not as criticism of the book, but as a reminder that there’s always something to add.

This experience highlighted a few important truths:

1. No one else can be you.

There is no one who thinks, speaks, and moves through the world exactly the way you do. There is no one with your same combination of life experiences, expertise, perspective, talent, and heart. Someone else might research the same topic, but their research won’t have the same nuance as yours. Someone might have similar thoughts, but they won’t communicate it the way you do. Only you can be you.

2. There is room for each of us.

We tend to celebrate people who are the first – to share an idea, publish a paper, or go to the moon. But we all know that just because something has been done, it doesn’t mean it can’t be made better. Sharing an idea doesn’t give you a monopoly over that idea. Instead, sharing an idea is an opportunity for each of us to continue to build on and improve it. Many of us don’t want to be redundant, but we also underestimate the unique value we bring.

3. Change takes all of us.

None of us can single-handedly make the changes, build the movements, or accomplish the things we want to see done. Some people can only understand things the way you tell them or because it came from you. If we’re going to build teams, organizations, families, and communities of belonging, dignity, and justice, it’s going to take each of our voices.

If you doubt whether you have anything to add, ask yourself:

• What do I think is missing from this conversation/proposal/system/group?
• What connections between concepts, ideas, and people do I see?
• What would I add?

Don’t discount your thoughts because you think they’ve already been said.

Don’t deprive the people around you of who you are.

To more of you in this world,

Elaine

P.S. When I wrote Kathy to thank her for her book and share the tension I experienced, she graciously replied saying there’s always a need for diverse voices on the same topic, i.e. point #2 above!