As I’m 4 days out from my book Unlearning Silence hitting bookshelves, I’ve been reflecting a lot on timing.

If it had been up to me, this book would have been out in 2018. If it had been up to me, this book would have been a resource leading into the 2020 election and reckonings.

The original publication date was supposed to be Mar 12. But the first parent teacher conference at a new school was that week, so we moved it to Mar 5. Then Trump’s Jan 6 trial was supposed to start on Mar 4, so we moved pub date to Mar 19. It looks like this date is going to stick.

All of this made me wonder, what is the right time to use your voice?

So many of us think – we’ll wait for the right time to raise the issue. I’ll wait until they are in a better mood to give them the feedback. Maybe things will go better tomorrow.

And then the moment passes. Or tomorrow isn’t better.

There are better and worse times, but there is no perfect time to use your voice.

Better times include

• When you have a strong BATNA (negotiation speak for Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement). Do you have another job offer already lined up? If so, it makes it much lower risk to say the things that might not go over well. TO DO: identify and improve your BATNA.
• You have a clear purpose. Having a clear and compelling why gives you reason to work through potential fear and discomfort. TO DO: identify your bigger why. What is more important to you that makes it worth it to speak up?
• Not waiting until you’re comfortable. Feeling comfortable or confident means that you’ll wait (perhaps forever) before speaking up. TO DO: see discomfort as part of the process. Anything you don’t do regularly is bound to feel awkward. Something you care deeply about will feel high stakes.

But it’s always the right time to –

1. Make preferences discussable – we are all wired differently. Ask yourself and others the question – what communication mediums make it easiest for you to share your thoughts?
2. Design process – if we don’t design how we work together, we default to the patterns and habits of those with the most power. Designing process means we can optimize for voice by using the mediums that best support each of our voices.
3. Disrupt bias – Saying, “Hey, I’m not okay with that.” Especially when the bias isn’t directed toward you provides real-time feedback and helps build a culture of voice. Each of us disrupting bias for someone else means that we aren’t left to fend for ourselves.

Discussing preferences, designing process, and disrupting bias lay the ground work for each of us to use our voices – and increase the likelihood we’re heard.

As much as it might not be a convenient time, anytime can be the right time.

Elaine

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When you’re ready, here are three ways I can help…

1. ​Connect with me on LinkedIn for tips on leadership, communication, and navigating toxic workplaces weekdays at 9am ET.
2. ​Pre-order my book Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully (Penguin 2024) – for yourself, or for someone you care about.
3. ​Hire me to speak virtually or in person.