“Take space, make space” is one of the ground rules that facilitators often use in group settings. The intention? For people who tend to be quieter, to bring more to the conversation. And for people who tend to dominate the conversation, to make room. The aim? To encourage different perspectives, ideas, and allow everyone to be.
Using your voice means that you’re going to be taking up space. But if taking up space isn’t something you’re used to, it’s not as easy as just flipping a switch.
What most people don’t tell you about “taking up space”?
It’s uncomfortable. For you—and often, for the people around you. Whether at work or at home, taking up space when you haven’t means:
- Changing behaviors people are used to
- Altering patterns people rely on
- Challenging the mental models people have of you—or what they think people who look, sound, and appear like you should be
- Adding to the list of needs, wants, hopes, and concerns everyone has to solve for
- Challenging the ways people have silenced you
Anyone who has ever had (and broken) a New Year’s resolution knows how hard it is to change behavior. Anyone who has tried to get a spouse to do more around the house knows how challenging that can be.
So, no wonder using your voice is uncomfortable.
No wonder it feels like an uphill battle.
No wonder people push back.
No wonder we fall back into old patterns.
But all of that isn’t reason to stop using your voice.
It’s not reason to shrink and put ourselves back in the boxes people have given us.
Because over time and with practice, what is initially uncomfortable becomes normal.
Because taking up space means honoring more of what matters to you.
Because despite what the people, systems, or structures around you might suggest—you matter.
So experiment with expressing your preference, sharing your ideas, advocating for the changes you want to see—taking up space. Hit reply to let me know what you’re trying and how it’s going.
Next month, we’ll explore why it’s hard to make space for other people—and what to do about it. If you know someone who could benefit from hearing that advice, encourage them to sign up for this newsletter now. I promise I won’t tell them you think they are the problem!
Elaine
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When you’re ready, here are three ways I can help…
- Connect with me on LinkedIn for tips on leadership, communication, and navigating toxic work places weekdays at 9am ET.
- Pre-order my book Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully (Penguin 2024) – for yourself, or for the people around you.
- Hire me to speak.
