I received a DM recently with the subject line: Speaking Up Is Not in My (Natural) Vocabulary. It resonated, because speaking up doesn’t come naturally for all of us.
Even if as kids we were opinionated, many of us were told that children should be seen and not heard. That we should follow the rules rather than break them. We were rewarded for staying silent rather than speaking up or speaking out.
We then entered worlds in which our voices weren’t celebrated, weren’t the norm, and where we were told – implicitly or explicitly – that our insights and opinions don’t matter.
So when we see inequity in the workplace, how are we supposed to speak up? When tension between Israel and Palestine re-erupts into horrific humanitarian crises, how do we use our voices? When you’re supposed to lead but don’t know what your voice is, where do you start?
To (re)discover your voice, start with these practices:
1) ASK yourself – what do I think?
Not, what does my manager think? Not, what does the company want me to do? Not, what am I supposed to think or feel? But simply, what do I think? When you focus on what you think, you start to remember that you have a voice.
2) NOTICE where your thoughts differ.
Notice where what you want or believe differs from what you think is expected of you. Noticing that there is a difference reminds you that you have thoughts of your own and contributions you could make.
3) CHOOSE when and where to share.
Remember, if speaking up doesn’t come naturally to you, you are building a new skill. Start with low stakes experiments – sharing what you think with people you trust or with people you’re unlikely to ever see again. When the barista at the coffee shop mispronounces your name, correct them. When your peer misrepresents your opinion in a meeting, say “Actually, I see things differently…”
If speaking up is not in your natural vocabulary, the challenge and opportunity is to unlearn they ways you’ve silenced your own thoughts and feelings and build out a new vocabulary.
I look forward to hearing your voice,
Elaine
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When you’re ready, here are three ways I can help…
- Connect with me on LinkedIn for tips on leadership, communication, and navigating toxic workplaces weekdays at 9am ET.
- Pre-order my book Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully (Penguin 2024) – for yourself, or for someone you care about.
- Hire me to speak virtually or in person.
