Last week I heard yet another well-intentioned leader say to their team — “I want to hear what you have to say. I won’t necessarily do it, but I want to hear it.”

While I knew the leader was sincere in wanting people to speak up, I also cringed inside. Having heard and observed so many teams across industries, I know that comment usually comes from a good place and so often has mixed impact.

I could hear employees in the room thinking – If you’re not going to do something about it, why should I make the effort to tell you?

It’s a tension that teams consistently navigate:

• If individuals experience cost and take on risk to speak up, it has to be worth it
• If organizations and leaders ask for input, it needs to feel like speaking up had an impact so inaction fatigue (often mislabeled as survey fatigue) doesn’t set in
• If it feels to any party like you’re not getting anywhere, it’s easy to decide to give up – after all, you still have a million other things to juggle.

Here are a few fundamental truths

• Decision makers can’t take every single person’s perspective into account on every issue
• Companies and organizations can’t operate on consensus

So if you genuinely want to hear what people think, what helps? Clarity of roles.

We need clarity on where and when to offer our insights so we know where to channel our energy and relational capital.

In Unlearning Silence, I offer the tool of three buckets, outlining the 3 roles necessary in each decision: DECIDE, CONSULT, INFORM.

Being informed about a decision isn’t a bad thing, unless you expected to be consulted or thought you would be a joint decision maker. Friction — and demotivation — comes from people conflating being consulted (giving input) with being a decision maker (your way will be the way). Or thinking they should have been consulted, and then are surprised or feel sidelined when they are just informed. From there it’s easy to conclude that your voice doesn’t matter.

In healthy environments, the roles rotate. A CEO should not be deciding what the catering order at the event should be. Depending on size of org, they shouldn’t even be consulted. I say this remembering a particular CEO who grimaced when I made the statement.

When I’m working with teams experiencing friction, one of the questions I most frequently ask is “whose decision is it?” All too often, people look at each other and shrug — or reveal that it’s the crux of the problem.

As you think about the dynamics you’re currently navigating, do you have clarity on

• Who is the decisionmaker(s)?
• Who expects to be consulted? And if you don’t agree with their expectation how you can preemptively manage those expectations?
• Where might different stakeholders not be aligned on who is in what bucket?

It’s impossible to hear everyone out. Clarity and alignment on roles and expectations help people avoid the conclusion that you don’t care.

Wishing you clarity and impact in this new year,

Elaine

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When you’re ready, here are three ways I can help…

1. ​Connect with me on LinkedIn for tips on leadership, communication, and navigating toxic workplaces weekdays at 9am ET.
2. ​Order my book Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully (Penguin 2024) – for yourself, or for someone you care about.
3. ​Hire me to speak virtually or in person.