It’s been almost a month of my book Unlearning Silence being out in the world. I’ve had the great joy of talking with people in Baltimore, San Francisco, London, Seattle, and will round out the weeks in Denver and New York.
One of the themes that has emerged is just how hard it can be to use our voices. Certainly because of the silence we’ve learned, the ways that people continue to silence us, and the silence baked into the systems we’re all part of.
But also because using our voices means living as we intend rather than how people expect us to show up.
Whether fighting against injustice, pushing for change, or simply trying to chart our own path forward, using your voice means you’re actually doing at least four things at the same time:
1) Healing from past trauma – the things that were hard and painful don’t go away just because we’ve decided to take steps forward. With time and support, those pains become scars instead of open wounds. But healing is real work.
2) Educating – challenging the status quo so often requires helping others see why the status quo that serves them doesn’t serve everyone. It’s introducing a new idea, explaining why things matter, and connecting the dots best we can.
3) Navigating resistance – educating someone is laborious, especially when they don’t agree, choose to debate, get defensive, make us prove ourselves or the idea, or otherwise retaliate. While resistance is a natural part of what researchers term the “voice cultivation process,” it still takes energy to navigate.
4) Our day jobs – bills don’t magically get paid and deadlines don’t stop just because we’re doing the other three things above. We’re still required to perform, deliver, parents, care give, and provide.
No wonder using your voice feels like such a big lift. Trying to do all four of these things at the same time, it makes sense why we’re exhausted.
So what can we do about it?
- Know that you’re navigating all four of these (and more) at the same time. If it feels difficult, it’s because it is a lot.
- Decide which you’re going to do when. It’s nearly impossible – and certainly not efficient – to try to do all four at the same time. If you’re working on healing? Heal. If you’re compartmentalizing to finish the work project, do the day job.
- Remember that changing the status quo requires each of us, but doesn’t depend on any single one of us. If we’re taking turns educating, navigating resistance, and even sharing the load of day-to-day responsibilities, it also means that we each can heal.
Whenever I hike in redwood groves, I’m struck by how new branches continue to grow from trunks that have fallen. I’m reminded that new growth can come from downed trees.
Making an impact doesn’t require us to be perfect or have it all together. It does require us to keep showing up. Which of the four tasks are you taking on today? Knowing which you’re tackling when makes using your voice all the more sustainable.
Elaine
When you’re ready, here are three ways I can help…
- Connect with me on LinkedIn for tips on leadership, communication, and navigating toxic workplaces weekdays at 9am ET.
- Order Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully (Penguin 2024) – for yourself, or for someone you care about. Spanish translation available!
- Hire me to speak virtually or in person.
