One of the emotions often associated with speaking up is fear. What will they think? What will they do? Will I lose my job? How will I provide for my household? And certainly, headlines in the United States these days can both amplify and reinforce that those fears are valid.

Because they are.

At the same time, unless we interrogate our fears, they too easily determine our actions. We default to silence, thinking that if we blend in, fly under the radar, don’t add fuel to the fire, that we’ll somehow end up unscathed, or at least less scathed.

But what is fear? It’s a natural human emotion, a response to something that seems dangerous or threatening. It can keep us safe and aware. It helps us learn not to touch hot stoves and to look both ways when crossing a street.

That said, fear also colors the way we see the world and how we act. Specifically, fear

• Inclines us toward reactive rather than reflective decision-making – call it slow thinking, fast thinking, or system 1 vs 2 thinking, we need both. Reflective, analytical thinking allows us to focus on what we care most deeply about rather than what we’re afraid of.
• Keeps our focus on the short rather than long term. After all, if I don’t stay safe now there might not be a long game for me.
• Makes us forget we have agency in choosing the role we allow fear to play in our lives.

What helps? Engaging in reflective thinking.

Here are a few questions to prompt that reflection, and my own answers in case they spark your own:

1. What do you fear? What do you fear more?

I fear backlash. I already feel like I don’t have energy to deal with negativity, attacks, and the volatility of the world. But what I fear more is not standing for what I believe in, compromising my values, losing myself along the way (again), and leaving my fellow humans out to dry.

2. What are real fears vs. perceived fears?

I’m afraid of being sent to an imprisonment camp the way Americans of Japanese descent were during WWII, with all physical assets I’ve worked for stripped away and my family separated because we’re a mixed race family. But is it a real threat? There are bigger issues to deal with first.

3. What do my fears look like in context?

In light of what I fear more, backlash and criticism don’t actually have as much weight. I care more about justice, dignity, and humanity than I do comfort. I also know that many of the things I feared in the past happened, and I was still okay.

Now it’s your turn: What does your fear look like contextualized, rather than raw? What role do you want the different layers of fears to play in your life?

If helpful to treat this email as your personal journal, feel free to reply with your answers. I may not respond to all of them, but I do read every one.

Fearless is a Taylor Swift album, not real life. Having fears or feeling fearful is simply part of using your voice. Life and leadership aren’t the absence of fear, but choosing the actions we take in light of those fears, contextualized.

Elaine

When you’re ready, here are three ways I can help…

1. ​Connect with me on LinkedIn for tips on leadership, communication, and navigating toxic workplaces weekdays at 9am ET.
2. ​Order my book Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully (Penguin 2024) – for yourself, or for someone you care about.
3. ​Hire me to speak virtually or in person.